vaya con pance

now is the time for all good pances August 15, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — gogopance @ 9:36 am

Today marks my three week anniversary of being gainlessly unemployed. And you wanna know what the hardest @#$@#%$ thing about that is? No, it’s not the moments my heart beats a little faster because the money inside the ATM is now finite, or the pitiful joy of having nothing to get up for and no where to go…

It’s the awkward interaction with my peers who expect me to, and want to help me, get another job just like the one I had. Or better.

Don’tgetmewrong, it’s awesome to have a support system of ex-AOLers sprinkled all over the city. But there’s been a lot of deep thinkin’ going on in my brain lately and I’ve pretty much decided I don’t want to go back to a computer job. At least full time. Folks just don’t get that. And maybe I don’t really either. But I do know that returning to an over air-conditioned cubed world aglow with florescent lights and computer monitors will only break my heart.

But I have to start believing myself if there is to be any hope of folks believing in me. I have to get over the guilt and start saying “No, thank you” to the offers without apology. I’ve paid my dues. I’ve made some money. I worked in Corporate America high rises in New York freakin’ City and now I don’t wanna anymore. I was laid off for reason and I trust that reason was not to spin a 180 and head right back into it.

Maybe I’m stupid to walk away in this economy. Maybe I should be grasping at everything that crosses my inbox. But it’s only been three weeks and I’m not ready to grasp at anything yet. Unless it’s the snooze button. I should just turn that damn thing off.


one role August 2, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — gogopance @ 8:26 am

I guess it goes without saying (well apparently not, since I’m gonna say it), that when you get laid off from your job you start to see things differently. Of course you go into life reevaluation mode and financial survival mode and your middle name might as well be legally changed to “I can’t go, I really don’t have the money to join you at [bar/restaurant/fun activity] right now.” But I’ve found myself actually looking at the stuff in my apartment and saying, “How do I change my life so I won’t need THAT anymore.” I’m feeling claustrophobic.

GoGoPance’s Public: “Sooo, what are you gonna DO now?”

GGP: “I have no idea.”

There are a million and one things I could see myself being, doing, enjoying. But how do I pick just one? What is the best way to go down that damn diverged road in the woods? I mean, it’s a road in the woods, people! What part of who I am makes you think I wouldn’t want to hike down both? I just don’t think I’m built to do one thing, play one role in life. I have no better idea what I want to be when I grown up than I did when they made me pick a major at 17 years old. I do, however, have a solid idea of what I *don’t* want to be. That’s a whole ‘nother post.

Speaking of too much stuff… since I don’t really know where I’m going to be week after week, I’ve started buying individual rolls of toilet paper. No more bulky 4-packs. One roll. I’m fairly certain I would freak out if I ever had to pack unused rolls of toilet paper. Because I would. I’m jobless. Not saving them would be a waste.