Today marks my three week anniversary of being gainlessly unemployed. And you wanna know what the hardest @#$@#%$ thing about that is? No, it’s not the moments my heart beats a little faster because the money inside the ATM is now finite, or the pitiful joy of having nothing to get up for and no where to go…
It’s the awkward interaction with my peers who expect me to, and want to help me, get another job just like the one I had. Or better.
Don’tgetmewrong, it’s awesome to have a support system of ex-AOLers sprinkled all over the city. But there’s been a lot of deep thinkin’ going on in my brain lately and I’ve pretty much decided I don’t want to go back to a computer job. At least full time. Folks just don’t get that. And maybe I don’t really either. But I do know that returning to an over air-conditioned cubed world aglow with florescent lights and computer monitors will only break my heart.
But I have to start believing myself if there is to be any hope of folks believing in me. I have to get over the guilt and start saying “No, thank you” to the offers without apology. I’ve paid my dues. I’ve made some money. I worked in Corporate America high rises in New York freakin’ City and now I don’t wanna anymore. I was laid off for reason and I trust that reason was not to spin a 180 and head right back into it.
Maybe I’m stupid to walk away in this economy. Maybe I should be grasping at everything that crosses my inbox. But it’s only been three weeks and I’m not ready to grasp at anything yet. Unless it’s the snooze button. I should just turn that damn thing off.