vaya con pance

r.i.p. boot January 8, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — gogopance @ 11:41 pm

I received some super news last Friday morning. No More Boot. Boot-Be-Gone. Bye Bye Bootie. The good doctor examined the x-ray closely and looked me square in the eyes – eyes that usually end up crying because the news had never before included the words,

“I think we’ve come to the point of dimenishing returns with the boot. It’s time to put you in stiff sole shoes.”

Glory Hallelujah.

So I subway’ed myself to the nearest store and bought two pairs of shoes that don’t really bend. They’re bulky and not *exactly* what I’d pick out to hit the town in, but I’ve never enjoyed buying shoes quite so much.

Divorcing The Boot has been harder than I thought. It’s been through so much with me, taken so much abuse, endured so much spilled food. Today I practiced walking around the neighborhood in my spiffy new stiff kicks, it’s like learning how to walk symmetrically all over again. I still tend to hobble/drag my right foot… not unlike how the living dead might maneuver. Braaaaaiiiinss.

Also, the doctor ordered “daily bone stimulating treatments” for the next 6-8 weeks. Apparently a Bone Stimulator Rep will be contacting me to set up a time to deliver the machine (!?!?) and discuss the new 20-minute regimen of self-stimulation. Mmmmhmmm.

I told the doctor it sounded like a door-to-door vacuum salesman.

“You TOO can have a Bone Stimulator in your home starting today! Nothing beats the joy and freedom of stimulating yourself! And if you pay-in-full, we’ll throw in a Marvin Gaye CD and Bahama Breeze Yankee Candle!”

I’ll let you know how I feel after weeks of daily stimulation and walking in stiffies. I might have to take up smoking.


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